Lazy day, lazy me..lalala

I am having one of those days where I'm moving in slow motion but the time is still ticking away of course. I slept way late.Yay on THAT one! I got up, turned on CBC radio, shuffled out to the kitchen and made a coffee,went to the bathroom (yes I washed my hands), brought coffee back into the bedroom, crawled back into bed, turned on my laptop, read various news related stories (while thinking I should be reading about essay related things), listened to Sook-Yin Lee and her program Definitely Not The Opera about Taking A Stand. Now it is 3:58pm and I have finally pried myself from the warmth of my bed and moved to the couch, the midway point between my bedroom and the bathroom/shower.

So here I sit typing, while the thought of getting into the shower, fights with thinking I should eat something first. The shower is likely going to win this one, it usually does on the weekend, but wait, I might just change it up because I am feeling that creeping weakness that comes from waiting too long to eat.

Mmmm.. cereal, some Kashi cinnamon flavoured stuff with a sprinkling of bran buds on top and some cream because I do not have any Almond milk or regular milk. I did water it down a bit but seriously this stuff is delicious over cereal. Why would anyone choose skim milk? It's really just whey because that's what is left when you strip the fat from it. Think about cheese production. Through the process, the liquid that is separated from the milk solids is the whey and many places just pour that stuff down the drain. This is truth, I worked at a place that did just that. That stuff is apparently hard to digest. So I will choose the fat in cream every time. I love it but I do not love milk, go figure.

I feel better now and so the shower beckons.

I Am What I Am

Like a bolt out of the blue it came to me. Popeye had it right when he said " I am what I am"
I have spent more than the last five and a half years searching for myself. 

For almost thirty years I was half of a couple and not the easy identifiable half but the half that was mostly just a fuzzy shadow following along on my husband's path. 

So I walked away, left that fuzzy shadow behind, and stepped into the light on my way to search for who I thought I had lost by degrees over the years.

I have been searching so hard and anguishing over not being able to connect the dots between the girl I was and the woman I became or thought I had lost, that I didn't see that what was lost was only really locked away and I had just forgotten where I had put the key.

Every day, hour, and moment has brought me to this realization, that I am what I am. I don't have to look beyond what I like, what gives me pleasure, what makes me smile and what makes me cry. 

There isn't a magic button or magic pill. There is no big secret or profound discovery other than finding out,I am what I am. 

That for me is the key.