Once upon a time

When I was this little girl I had a dream, that I was all grown up, an artist and living on my own near an ocean. The dream provided hope, serenity and a sense of fulfillment.
I am grown up now, well sort of, and about to fulfill that dream. I am now at the stage of moving to the east coast to continue the journey of being an artist. So why I am I filled with fear? Why do I want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, ignoring all the details I need to address and set in place to make this happen?
With every step taken I feel relieved and then almost immediately overwhelmed with how to take the next step. I want to ask for help but hesitate because I do want to do it all myself unaided, but also know that's unrealistic. My son to the rescue. I am so grateful I have him to turn to. Being reassured many times by him, that he wants to help me, that I should be able to just accept that it's OK to ask for his help, yet still, I hesitate and feel like I ask too much of him. How did I, as troubled and unsure of myself that I am, raise such an exquisitely thoughtful and generous young man? He is a gift and I have said this before that just by virtue of his birth he saved my life and he continues to with every thoughtful gesture.